FIVE WAYS TO STAY ALIVE AS A LEADER

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Leadership is not only hard work; leadership can be dangerous. Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. are prime examples. Political leaders, however, are not the only leaders that get assassinated. When you courageously take a stand for something or when you dedicate yourself to making a difference, you become a lightening rod that attracts both positive and negative power by your mere presence. While a uniform or a title does not make you a leader, those in uniforms today are targets, as are leaders who are making a difference. I’ve learned from my work with the RCMP and other police agencies that in policing, officers use the words service, dedication and commitment to describe what they do on a daily basis to keep us safe. These words also describe a leader. And when we make a decision to lead, there is a risk involved. That risk cost the lives of Cpl. Nathan Cirillo who was shot while guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier in Ottawa and RCMP Constable David Wynn, who was senselessly gunned down in a St. Albert, Alberta casino while serving and protecting the citizens of his community.

People who make the decision to lead frequently bear scars from the efforts to bring about change. Leaders are always perceived as failing somebody. Often they are misunderstood. At times they must be willing to bear violent opposition. Many times they are despised. Just ask the parents of a rebellious teenager, or a senior executive committed to changing a culture, or a front-line leader who is loyal to a principle that goes against the grain of how things have always been done in an organization.

While leading can be dangerous, every leader must have a strategy for staying alive, for sustaining their energy, and for continued self-renewal. Following the slaying of Const. David Wynn, RCMP members were reminded to take care of themselves, to be especially mindful of their actions, and extra supportive of their colleagues. What is the directive you have given yourself for staying alive? What are your disciplined actions for ensuring your strength as a leader, so that leading comes from overflow, not emptiness?

Here are five fundamental strategies and sources of strength for staying alive:

  1. Sanctuaries: Leadership is both active and reflective. A sanctuary is where you find refuge from the demands of the world. It can be a physical place, a special person, or a space you create in your mind. All of these sanctuaries enable you to renew and listen to your inner wisdom and strength. Regardless of how you define or experience sanctuary, we all need a place where we can find peace.
  2. Faith: Faith is an important source of strength to myself and to many leaders I respect. We all need to find strength beyond ourselves to help us lead, maintain perspective, find inner wellbeing beyond the approval and disapproval of the world, and help carry the load of life.
  3. Sabbaths: The tradition of sabbath began centuries ago to create an oasis of sacred time within a life of labor. In the midst of relentless demands, sabbath is a ‘boundaried time’ (whether 24 hours or 10 minutes) away from the tyranny of the urgency of others to spend in renewal, restoration, rest, and recovery. I find it valuable to take at least one full day every week to shut off my computer and email, spend time in nature and with people I care about, and simply to rest.
  4. Confidants: Confidants are those with whom you share your deepest self. They hold you while you are holding everyone else. They put you back together at the end of the day. Confidants can be friends, spouses, lovers, coaches, or close colleagues. Confidents give perspective, stand beside you, and help hold you accountable. A confidant is not afraid to tell you the truth, will not allow you to stay a victim, and will challenge you to be all you can be. Leadership is a lonely journey, but it can’t be done alone.
  5. Inspiration: The true measure of a person comes when tragedy strikes and extraordinary things need to be done. Mr. Rogers used to say that in times of tragedy, look for the helpers, those who move in to support and help clean up the mess. Watch who the helpers are and what the helpers do, and hope will be born.

We all need a source of inspiration in order to inspire those we serve. Hope inspires me. Service, dedication, caring and commitment inspire me. Good conversations inspire me. Stories inspire me. Artists, poets, and musicians all inspire me. What inspires you? Who or what uplifts you? Stay plugged in to the source that supports and sustains you – so you can inspire others.

Happiness: A Key To Success – Ten Ways To Live A Happier Life

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We’re all interested in making our workplaces more productive and successful. Most people believe that success leads to happiness, but the truth is happiness is the precursor to success, not the result. When you are happier, your success rates increase, according to research done by Shawn Achor at Harvard University. Happy sales people outsell their unhappy colleagues. Students who are happy out-perform their unhappy peers. Happy doctors make more accurate diagnoses than unhappy doctors. Happy people are healthier people. The list goes on and on. The best part is that this isn’t just a motivational speech – it’s science. It’s how our brains work. See: http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/complaining-rewires-your-brain-for-negativity-science-says.html for some fascinating findings.

Here are ten strategies for living a happier life.

  1. Take 100% responsibility for your own happiness. If you aren’t happy, don’t expect anyone else to make you happy. I have certainly done my share of blaming others and myself for the way I feel. The trap is giving over my power to what other people say, to what other people do, to the circumstances around me – and becoming a victim. A happy or unhappy life is your own creation. If you remember this, you won’t find fault with anybody or anything, including yourself. You are your own best friend, even as you decide to learn to take responsibility for your happiness.
  2. Decide to be happy. That’s right. Happiness is a choice, a decision. It’s an inside job. You don’t need your external environment or circumstances to be different in order to be happy. I’ve met people who are dealing with cancer or are in the midst of a divorce or financial difficulties, but remain happy. Don’t wait for retirement or a better job or a better house or a better marriage to make you happy. If you aren’t happy now, you won’t be happy in the future. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness comes from within; it is independent of your externals. Happiness is not a destination; it’s method of travel.
  3. Accept unhappiness as a part of life. Where did we ever get the notion that we should happy all the time? One of life’s purposes is to learn and grow, and that won’t happen if life is always easy. “Life is difficult,” wrote Scott Peck. “Once you understand and accept that, then life is no longer difficult.” Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Otherwise you’ll never grow, much less experience a lot of happiness in your life. Happy people aren’t attached to being happy all the time, just like they aren’t attached to the externals in their life to make them happy. They know happiness will return after the inevitable slumps. Extend some grace to yourself when you are unhappy, and you’ll be kinder to others in the process.
  4. Have a purpose that inspires you. What inspires you to get up early, to go the extra mile, to learn the extra skills? How can you be happy without a dream, without hope, or a vision beyond your own self-interest and daily to-do lists? Having a sense of purpose beyond your own self-interest and day-to-day chores gives you a reason to be happy. Why do you get out of bed in the morning? If you can’t answer that question – beyond heading for the bathroom – there’s some work to be done. What’s important is not to blame others for your lack of purpose. Even a simple purpose to make the day better for your colleagues or customers can be a good place to start.
  5. Maintain your self-respect through integrity. Integrity is about living your life in alignment with your values, resulting in the self-respect that sustains happiness. Self-respect emerges from the integrity of keeping promises to yourself and others – being a person that can be counted on. A great way to build self-respect is to hold yourself accountable for consistent disciplines that are aligned with your values. Maintaining consistent habits – such as a regular exercise regime, a consistent spiritual practice, a habit of studying or developing a talent – in the face of the fluctuating demands and emotions of life will help to keep your integrity, and thus your self-respect, in tact. Learning to live a disciplined life – choosing character over comfort – fuels self-respect and subsequent happiness.
  6. Don’t use unhappiness as a motivator. Our society is heavily conditioned not to change until we are unhappy enough. We frighten ourselves out of smoking cigarettes using threats of emphysema and lung cancer. We yell at our kids hoping that if we cause them enough pain they’ll change. You don’t have to cause suffering to yourself or those around you in order to change. You can make changes in your life even when you are choosing to be happy.
  7. Practice service. Happy people are givers, people who give for the sake of giving. Bring a servant heart to your life. Look around and you will find all kinds of ways to make the world a better place. Be a builder, not a destroyer. Be a giver, not a taker. Chose service over self-interest. Bring an abundant mind-set to everything you do. Self-centered people who live in a state of entitlement are not happy people. Dr. Menninger, the renowned psychiatrist, was once asked what he would recommend if someone were having a nervous breakdown. He said he would tell them to leave their house, cross the railroad tracks to find someone in need, and help them.
  8. Act your way into right feelings; don’t feel your way into right actions. Don’t wait for happiness to come to you. Take the right action, and happiness will result. When feeling unhappy, show caring and kindness for someone else. Be cheerful, even if you don’t feel like it. Put in a good days’ work. Take the right action, and the feeling of happiness will follow – eventually.
  9. Hang out with happy people. If you swim in a cesspool it won’t take long before you stink. Get rid of the complainers, the blamers, and the people who pull you down, and start hanging around people who challenge you, inspire you, and are fun to be with. Happy people care about others so it doesn’t take long to feel a part of the happy crowd.
  10. Choose gratitude. If you can’t quite get your head around choosing happiness, start with gratitude. Don’t wait for gratitude in order to be happy. Be grateful now. You can always find a reason to be grateful. Remember the old saying, “I used to complain I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet!”

Happiness is like a muscle that, for most of us, could use some developing. You can train your brain to be happy just as you can train any muscle to perform a challenging task. It starts with a simple decision that you are going to practice happiness, even when you might feel sorry for yourself. For some of us, this training comes more easily than for others. But stick with it. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

PEOPLE ARE WORTH IT – Connection As A Path To Leadership

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Dad once looked down an assembly line of women employees and thought, “These are all like my own mom – they have kids, homes to take care of, people who need them.” It motivated him to work hard to give them a better life because he saw his mom in all of them. That’s how it all begins – with fundamental respect. – Bob Galvin, speaking of his father, founder of Motorola

Leadership is about connection. It’s not just a rational, analytic process. If you are going to influence people; if you are going to get past compliance to genuine engagement; and if you are committed to creating an environment that produces the results you need, you have to reach people’s heart. If you simply give your employee a job description or list of expectations that are required to do their work without a sincere interest in them as a person, you relegate your people to simple “task-doers,” rather than genuine contributors. In order to lead, people need to know you care. They need to know you have a vested interest in them as a person, a genuine commitment to their wellbeing that goes beyond what they do or what they achieve.

What this means is that in order to engage people, you not only have to know yourself and have a high level of engagement in your own work, you also have to be engaged with the people you are attempting to engage. The first condition of leadership is connection.

Making a connection with employees begins by asking and sincerely seeking to understand the fundamental engagement question: “What do each of your employees need to be motivated?” Because every person is unique, it’s most likely that each employee will have a different answer to this question. If you don’t know the answer, then you are just guessing. And the risk of being wrong is too great. It’s much better to simply ask the question and set out to discover the answer.

Before he hires people, a leader in a long-term care organization asks the engagement question this way, “What are you passionate about? What would excite you to come to work here?” In his world, answers deal with interests in areas such as end of life challenges, dementia, HR/labor relations, and health and safety. He then asks: “How can we, as an organization, help you develop that passion?”

After listening to their response, he concludes with: “If we can help you develop that passion within your role, do you mind being a resource, coach, mentor, etc. for others in this organization?” Over many years, he has yet to have anyone say no. He then sets out to help them develop a plan that will grow their area of interest and contribute that talent to the organization. In this leader’s view of engagement, you have to give people a sense that they are needed and find a way to connect to their unique talents and passion. His motto to engage people (employees and residents alike) is to give them both a voice and a choice.

Even if you aren’t in a leadership position, ask three fundamental leadership questions in relation to anyone you serve (customers, clients, external stakeholders):

  • What are you doing to get to people’s heart?
  • What are you doing to make a connection to your employees, those you serve?
  • What are you doing to uncover your employees’ passion and talents?

In her book, “Kids Are Worth It,” Barbara Coloroso, the world-renowned parenting expert, says parents need to create a home environment that provides six critical life messages:

  • I believe in you.
  • I trust you.
  • I know you can handle life situations.
  • You are listened to.
  • You are cared for.
  • You are important to me.

It’s no different for employees. To be engaged, we all need to work – and live – in environments that support these fundamental messages.

What’s your way of connecting? What worked or did not work for you?

Balancing Accountability With Caring

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Any parent who has ever said no to a child understands that leadership is not about being popular. You have to be secure within yourself to do the right thing – for the benefit of the greater whole. A recent consulting project reminded me of this. A CEO was brought in to a failing company eighteen months previously to bring it out of the red and make it profitable. The former CEO was known throughout the organization as “Mr. Popular.” Everyone loved him. He was their “buddy.” Expense cheques were freely approved. There was no such thing as budgets. And, like the inattentive captain of the Costa Concordia, he was driving the company into the rocks of bankruptcy. While all the partying and love fest was going on, most of his employees had no idea where he was taking them. Thankfully the board caught it and dismissed him before disaster struck.

The new CEO, a brilliant, accountable, focused leader had to be “less than warm” in her approach to turning the company around. Many of her employees did not understand where she was coming from, and perceived her as cold, distant, and uncaring compared her to her predecessor. Like a courageous parent committed to accountability, I heard her say to her employees, in no uncertain terms, “Trust me. This is for the good of this company and the employees – in the long run.”

Now that the company has turned the corner through her leadership, it is obvious that many of these employees would not even be employed today under the former “popular” regime. Yet for sometime, the new CEO has been perceived by some of her direct reports and managers as “unapproachable,” “disconnected,” and “removed from her people.” They had no idea that, by saving the organization and the employees’ jobs along with it, she was actually very caring.

How do you become respected and liked and still hold others accountable? This is a question that every leader must grapple with. It is also a question that has application for every employee. Here are seven points to consider as you wrestle with this question:

  1. Being a leader is not for people who need to be liked or need to be popular. At times, you have to be willing to stand alone with the courage of your convictions.
  2. Even though you don’t need to be liked as a leader, if you aren’t liked by at least most of your people – you’ll have difficulty making impact in the long term.
  3. As an employee, some things are not as they appear. Few bosses come to work with a motive to mess up the place. While there certainly may be poor leadership at times, unless you are a psychopath, all behavior comes from a positive intent. Before judging, take time to discover the underlying motive of your boss’s behavior and be patient.
  4. Because leadership is a presence, not a position, everyone in an organization is a potential leader. You can be a leader today by deciding to be what you expect from others. If you want more compassion from others, start by being more compassionate to
  5. Leadership is ultimately about caring, but you can’t always count on it appearing as such. When you are fostering accountability by holding the line on a principle, you may come across as anything but compassionate. Accountable people accept this.
  6. You must be driven by a motive of caring even when you are holding others accountable – caring about people, caring about your work, and caring about the organization as a whole. While caring and accountability won’t always be in balance, you need to know when it’s out of balance and how to get it back.
  7. You don’t become liked by pleasing people and giving them what they want. That’s merely a fix that passes with the tides of popularity. You get to be liked by letting go of your need to be liked, serving people by being committed to giving them what they need, earning respect from living in alignment to your principles, and then by being humble and authentic.

 

Now that this CEO has begun to turn the company around, she’s concentrating on turning her relationship with her employees around. In order to accomplish what she did, she needed to be tough, and while her resolve remains firm, she can turn her attention to connecting with others and showing her caring side. She’s working at being vulnerable by communicating her intentions and exposing a little more of her humanness, both of which are vital to connecting with others. She’s reminding herself to be more kind and approachable, and lightening up a bit. As a result, people are actually starting to like her, and in the process, she is earning the trust and respect of her key people.

Are You Connecting?

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The other day a flight attendant asked me if I was connecting. This is a good question to ask yourself every so often. “Are you connecting?”

Life depends on connections, and the quality of your life depends on the quality of your connections. Every system depends on connections. Circulatory systems, nervous systems, organizational systems, ecosystems, family systems. Connection is to relationship what breathing is to life. If you can’t make a connection, not much else matters.

While we all, at some level, understand the importance of connection in our lives, what exactly does it mean to be connected? Like beauty, it’s hard to describe, but you know when it’s there. There’s a difference between communicating and being connected. “Everyone communicates,” writes the leadership guru John Maxwell, “but very few people connect.” Today, with all of the high-tech tools such as email, text messaging, Linkedin, Facebook, and Twitter, we are certainly in better contact with each other, but are we better connected? High tech requires an equal high touch. With all this capacity to be in contact are we actually making contact? In this high tech, so-called “connected” world, do we feel more loved; more supported; or more at peace with others and ourselves? Do we live with a stronger sense of community? You can’t fully connect without looking a person in the eyes, hearing their voice, reaching their hearts, and knowing them as unique people with needs, values, and dreams. Technology is a great tool to stay connected; it’s not such a good tool to get connected.

Connections have a life of their own. You can actually stifle connections like you can a living organism, or you can breathe life into them.

Here are some conditions for connections to flourish:

  • Focus: Identify the ‘significant seven’ stakeholders in your personal and professional life. A stakeholder is a person who depends on you or upon whom you depend. You will have a list of ‘significant seven’ in both your personal and your professional life. Take an honest inventory of how connected you are with these people and how much personal investment is needed at this time. Don’t confuse peripheral relationships with significant relationships. Think about who will be with you at your deathbed.
  • Understanding: Your goal in connecting is understanding, not necessarily agreement. Connection isn’t the same as agreement. You can agree without connecting, just as you can connect without agreement. What are you doing to really listen to the people in your life? Empathy is a critically important aspect in connecting. To see a quick review of empathy take a few moments to look at a three minute video with the words of Brené Brown: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
  • Accountability: Take accountability for your own emotions, reactions, and needs – in all your relationships. See all blame as a waste of time.  Ownership breeds openness. Take a careful inventory of yourself: Are you a person who can be counted on? Do people experience you as accountable? Do you take 100% responsibility for your life? Have you stopped hiding behind such statements as, “They need to listen better”? No, they don’t have to listen better; you need to communicate better. Nobody but you cares about the reason you let someone down.
  • Disconnect: You have to disconnect to connect. Turn off your devices at times during the day. Leave your cell phone in a drawer when you are with the important people in your life. Disconnect to connect. Create time and space to be together without interruptions. I find it interesting that in our society, the value of pets – who cannot use technology yet are completely present -is increasing along with the value we place on technology.
  • Rituals: Regularly scheduled dates, breakfasts, teas, and uninterrupted, unstructured time to hang out and just be with the important people in your life all allow connections to grow. Don’t worry about making it “quality” time. Sometimes it’s quality; sometimes it isn’t. Just be sure it is time. Connection is a four-letter word: t-i-m-e. If you want to know how your connections are, look at what is scheduled in your planner.
  • Be Vulnerable: Develop a habit of sharing your challenges, your fears, your dreams, or your insecurities with the important people in your life. Connections strengthen with vulnerability by sharing what is going on in your life. Conversations are the path to connection. But remember, connection doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. It simply has to be consistent and honest.
  • Presence: Listen carefully as you feel with people. What are their dreams? What matters to them? Don’t just deal with people. Feel with people. Before you can touch a person’s heart, you have to know what’s in it. The best present you can ever give another person is to be present in the present.
  • Slow down: Slow down in order to focus on the people you meet. Practice walking through crowds slowly. Whether clients, customers, or colleagues, take a few minutes to stop and listen. Everyone has needs, values, and dreams, and people generally like to talk about themselves. Focus on being interested rather than being interesting. I learned from my daughter who taking a course in agriculture that the most valuable tool on a farm is a five-gallon pail. Turn it upside down, sit on it, and observe the animals.
  • Tune in. Listen for messages that people send without talking. Words aren’t the only way to connect. We communicate with our eyes, our body language, our unspoken messages. Practice tuning in by spending time in nature or with animals. Once again, you have to slow down to tune in.
  • Authenticity: Make time to reflect and connect with the voice inside of you. You can’t connect fully unless you have a good sense of self-worth that comes from being true to yourself – in the service of others. As you live in accord with your values, your self-respect grows, and connections with others strengthens. Connection with others begins with a connection to yourself.