Six Ways To Know If People Trust You

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Trust is the most important issue facing the world today and lies at the foundation of every relationship. Trust is the keystone of success in work and in life. It’s the new global currency. It crosses cultures and generations. Building, restoring, and sustaining trust is your number one leadership challenge. Without trust there is no leadership, no relationship, no life as we know it in this interconnected universe. If you stop and think about it, trust lies at the centre of everything we do.

So, if trust is so important, how do you know if you are trusted by others? How do you assess it? How do you measure it? While trust has an emotional component to it, trust is not an emotion. Trust is an action. Trust is demonstrated by the way you behave in response to another person or circumstance.

In your most trusted relationships, trust is generally not even talked about. Instead, it’s demonstrated.

You know you have earned trust when:

  • People seek your advice. You know that you have earned the trust of others when they come to you for your input, your opinion, your perspective. Do others ask you for guidance?
  • People are honest with you. People will have the tough conversations with people they trust. You know you have earned trust when others bring you the bad news, negative feedback as well as celebrations, and when they are vulnerable, direct, candid, and straightforward with you. You can be polite with anyone, but the seed of trust lies within Are people giving you open and honest feedback, bad news as well as good?
  • People challenge you. As a corollary to #2, you know you have established trust, especially when you are in a position of authority, when others respectfully challenge your point of view, your approach, and your decisions. Are you being challenged by the people who report to you?
  • People are competent. While you can foster competence for a time in a non-trusting relationship, it won’t last. Trust breeds competence. Trust builds results. Trust fosters capability. Are you getting the results you need from your team?
  • People are relaxed around you. I recently coached a manager whose boss exploded every couple of weeks. He constantly lived in tension, never knowing what would set the boss off. Being relaxed is not the same as being complacent. It means being calm in the midst of activity. You are more effective when you aren’t wound up and stressed. You are more productive and do better work when enjoying yourself. Tension, stress, anxiety – all indicators of a lack of trust – can destroy a workplace. Are you aware of the level of tension in the people around you?
  • People stick around. It’s been said that people don’t leave organizations; they leave bosses. The number one reason people leave marriages is because they no longer feel good about themselves in the presence of their spouse. People leave bosses for the same reason: they no longer feel good about themselves in their presence. You don’t feel good about yourself when you are around people you don’t trust. How’s the retention rate of your direct reports?

Trust is not built in a day. It is built daily. It’s built with consistent action. It’s built with care and compassion. It’s built with honesty and stability and strong character. Trust is built through paying unwavering attention to the small things and knowing what’s important to people. Trust is built with integrity and a can-do attitude. It’s built with a disciplined, focused approach of investing in the lives of people who matter to you.

BRIDGES OF TRUST – 12 Ways To Become An Accountable Person

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From our research and work of building trusting cultures we know that personal accountability is the keystone on the bridge of trust. In today’s world, you won’t get power from your title. You get your power from your ability to build trust. And you build trust first and foremost, by being accountable. It’s that simple, and it is also that difficult.

Below are 12 ways to earn trust, inspire others, and amplify your impact on the world by becoming an accountable person.

1)     Earn the right to be on people’s Accountability List. Accountability is the ability to be counted on. It’s always easier to see a lack of accountability in other people. Make a list of people in your life that you can count on, and don’t ever take these people for granted. They may save your life one day. Now imagine those you serve making a similar list. Ask yourself if you have honestly earned the right to be on their Accountability List and get to work to earn a place there.

2)     Bring a flashlight to work, not a stick. You don’t foster an accountable culture with threats, intimidation, or fear. You build accountability by catching people being accountable, by acknowledging, recognizing, and rewarding accountable action, by shining a light on what you want to build. What you focus on is what grows.

3)     Be an Anti-Entitlement Person™. Being anti-entitlement means that you believe you need to bring value to others before you deserve any compensation. You earn the right to have work/life balance before you expect it. You earn a raise before you presume one. Being anti-entitlement means you chose service over self-interest, gratitude over privilege, and obligations over rights.

4)     Be a contributor, not a consumer. There appears to be two kinds of people in the world: Those who help, and those who hinder; those who give and those who take; those who lift, and those who lean; those who contribute, and those who consume. In the dictionary you’ll learn that to consume is to “destroy, squander, use up…” while to contribute is to “build, serve, make better…” In a consumer society, you’ll stand above the crowd of mediocrity when you decide to be a contributor.

5)     Be an entrepreneur, not a bureaucrat. In the bureaucratic world, people get paid for putting in time and effort. In the entrepreneurial world, people get paid only for the value they bring to others. Whether you are an entrepreneur or a bureaucrat has nothing to do with where you work. It has everything to do with the decision you make when you come to work.

6)     Bring a No-Blame Attitude™ to you everything you do. Your life will change forever the day you decide that all blame is a waste of time.  Accept responsibility, even when you aren’t responsible. Saying, “I’m responsible for that,” will never diminish you. Take ownership for your side of the street. Become part of the solution to every problem that’s in front of you.  

7)     Reach for your passion and purpose. Why do you get out of bed in the morning? What gets you up early? What keeps you up late? What inspires you to go the extra mile? Accountability without passion is drudgery.

8)     Start your day with a private victory. If you want a respectful workplace or relationship, start by earning self-respect. When you respect yourself, others will respect you. I learned from the late Dr. Stephen Covey to start every day with a personal victory. Get the hard tasks out of the way first thing in the morning. Feel good about yourself by conquering a difficult task early in the day. No one ever took pride or developed self-respect by procrastinating or doing something easy.

9)  Read more books, and less emails. Accountable people are life-long learners. They bring curiosity to everything they do. They have a disciplined approach to daily reflection, study, and learning. Accountable people learn from their mistakes as well as their successes. Read more books. Read less emails.

10)  Stay connected. “The eye can’t see itself.” We all need others to confide in, help us learn from our mistakes and increase our self-awareness. Find a confidant. They are a hedge against self-deception. It’s a myth that it’s lonely at the top. It’s lonely only if you isolate yourself. Make relationships a priority. Get away from your computer and out of your office. Be in touch. Listen. Acknowledge people. Accountability without connection is compliance.

11)  Show up on time. Actually, show up early. Make it a habit of deciding that meetings start ten minutes before others say they start. Arriving ten minutes early will create space in your day for creative energy, help you be more relaxed, and will show respect to yourself and to those attending the meeting.

12) Grow where you are planted. Don’t expect that a better job or a better relationship or a better place to live will make you happier. Do what’s in front of you now. Serve where you are. The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it.

SEVEN ROOTS OF EMPLOYEE ACCOUNTABILITY

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Certain species of bamboo trees in Southeast Asia grow less than an inch in four years, but in their fifth year will grow over a hundred feet. A root system develops below the surface that enables the plant to support its enormous growth in that fifth year.

All systems, whether they are bamboo trees or employee accountability systems, require solid roots to be both enduring and regenerative. Far too many employee accountability and performance management programs don’t have a strong, established root system. Tasks are assigned to employees in a haphazard way, hoping that the worker will “figure it out” and deliver an adequate, even superior, performance. Alternatively, I observe rigid, bureaucratic performance review systems that are demeaning and disconnected from the needs of the human spirit. If either of these are your accountability process, you will soon realize that hope, rigidity, or bureaucracy are not very effective strategies for holding people accountable.

An effective, engaging, and enduring employee accountability process must grow from good roots. After helping organizations develop accountability for more than two decades, I have found seven key principles that form strong roots of accountability.

1) Clarity. Ambiguity breeds mediocrity. People need pristine clarity about what is expected of them in terms of operational results and behaviors. Whenever possible, write down what you expect from each other. Visibility drives clarity. But the most important thing to be clear about is the results expected. If it’s in your area, function, or project, you are accountable. Accountability – the ability to be counted on – is about making a promise to deliver results.

2) Provide Meaning. Accountability without passion is drudgery. Employees nowadays rightfully expect that work will be invigorating and meaningful. It’s much easier to hold someone accountable when you have helped them identify the vision of the organization, how their contribution helps realize that vision, and how their passion and role is critical. Unleashing the potential of your organization and your employees is far more important than some bureaucratic emphasis on ‘keeping people accountable.’ Accountability is a means to a higher end. If you can’t clarify what that end is, you’ll get compliance at best, and, at worst, burn people out. Accountability has to be authentic and meaningful.

3) Agreements. A request is not an agreement. Clear expectations must be followed up with a mutually decided upon agreement. Every request needs a question, “Can I count on you to meet my expectation?” Be sure the person you are holding accountable has the resources, the capability, and the willingness to come through. And… before you say ‘yes’ to a request, be sure that you have the resources, capability, and the willingness to honor your agreement. Don’t ever make a promise you aren’t prepared to keep.

4) Support. Accountability without support is destructive pressure. To be sustainable, every agreement must come with support requirements. Whenever you expect something from someone, it is vital to ask how you can support them. Support requirements make the accountability agreement mutual and respectful. Accountability must shift from a parental relationship to a partnering relationship.

5) Connection. Accountability without connection is compliance. In the age of the internet, everybody is communicating, but few are actually connecting. You can’t hold employees accountable by emailing them your expectations. You have to get out of the office, get in front them, and make the connection. Connection is about listening, supporting, and being genuinely interested. You’ll have a hard time holding anyone accountable for long if they don’t believe you care – not just about the results they produce, but also about who they are as a person.

6) Consequences. Accountability without consequences is meaningless. But consequences are not the same as punishment. Consequences are the result of delivering – or not delivering – on your agreements. If you do what you say you are going to do, there are positive consequences. If you fail to do what you agreed to, there are negative consequences. It’s important to negotiate and clarify consequences as early as possible in the agreement process. Consequences are the key motivators to accountability. Be sure to explore both the internal and external consequences of honoring your agreements.

7) Follow up. What is the required follow up? How often – and when – do you need to meet to ensure the accountabilities to each other are met? These are vital questions in the accountability process.

You might have noticed that the fundamental principles that form the roots of an effective accountability process with others are also the principles that underlie accountability agreements with yourself. When keeping agreements with others or yourself, or holding others to account, be sure to take the time to ensure good roots.

Five Ways to Make Others Feel Valued – THE BIG VALUE OF SMALL

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According to the Greek storyteller Aesop, a little mouse ran up and down a sleeping lion who awoke, grabbed the poor helpless rodent and opened his big jaws to swallow him.

“Pardon, O King,” cried the little mouse, “Please forgive me. I promise never to climb on you again. And if you let me go, who knows what I may be able to do for you some day.”

The lion was so intrigued by the idea of a mouse being able to help him that he lifted up his paw and let the critter go. Some time later, the lion was caught in a trap, and the hunters tied him to a tree while they went in search of a wagon to transport him to the king. Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the lion’s sad plight, quickly jumped at the opportunity to help him. He gnawed away the ropes, setting the lion free.

We live in a society that values big. Big profits. Big paycheques. Big companies. Big titles. Big fame. Big offices. In this world of big it’s easy to get the crazy idea that you aren’t valuable if you are small, or perceive yourself to be small. But Aesop’s little tale of the lion and the mouse teaches a wise lesson. The tiny mouse is every bit as valuable as the lion. According to Aesop, importance is not based on size, but rather on the value you bring to others. It’s a simple matter of changing the context. The person who brings the most value is the most valuable.

One of my clients is a manager of employees who run the fitness centers, indoor tracks, pools, courts, and arenas at a university. They drive the Zambonis, keep the pools clean and look after students when they come to work out or play in the facilities. And, in an institution where the academic mandate is the highest priority, these employees don’t feel valued.

Who’s to say that those who provide for the health of a student and the health of the community in which that student lives are any less valuable than the professors who hand out the grades and grant the degrees? Without a healthy, well-rounded student, the degree doesn’t mean much. And without a great student experience, they are going to find other universities. Everyone is unique, and everyone has value. Everyone makes a contribution. And each person’s unique contribution is vitally important.

Value isn’t measured by the size of your office, the size of your paycheque, or the size of your business. Value is measured by your contribution to others. How do you make people around you feel valued? Here are five simple strategies.

  1. Believe in yourself.In order to believe in others, you have to believe in yourself. Henry Ford once said, “Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you are right.” Everyone is talented, unique, and has something to offer. If you don’t believe that applies to you, then start hanging around people that do believe it and soon it will start sinking in.
  2. Get moving. Don’t wait to be appreciated or valued. My dad used to tell me that waiting is not a very good strategy. Instead of waiting, bring to others whatever you expect from others. Instead of waiting to be seen as being valuable, bring more value, every day, to the people in your life. If you want to be appreciated, get so busy appreciating others that you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself.
  3. Stop to recognize beauty. Don’t take people for granted – especially your best people. We’re all busy. Like beauty, you don’t see the value others bring when you’re in a hurry. Slow down. The best way to recognize value is to stop and listen to what people have to say. Listen for their opinions. Listen for their input. Listen for their wisdom. Stop every so often to recognize the beauty and the value in the people around you. Express appreciation. You never know when you may be in need of their unique talents.
  4. Create space. Just as you have to recognize the value of others, you also have to pay attention to people or projects that aren’t adding value to your life or your business. When people or projects are sucking the energy out of you or your organization, it might be time to let go and move on.
  5. Choose quality over quantity. Don’t strive to be the biggest. Instead, strive to be the best. Don’t confuse the concept of doing big things with doing greatthings. It’s not about making the news; it’s about making a difference. Bigger is not the objective. Bigger is a side effect when you are committed to bring value instead of size to whatever you do.

When it comes to bringing value to others, the little things are the big things.

How To Transform Suffering Into Service – Leadership In Action

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“Only when we learn to be humble about ourselves, can we begin to respect others.”                                                                           – Lindsay Leigh Kimmett

A sign of great leadership is the ability to transform the inevitable losses of the human experience into something beyond the loss. While certainly not seeking pain, a person of character does find a special attractiveness in difficulty, since it is only by coming to grips with difficulty that they can realize their potential. Below is a story of courage and compassion, along with strategies to turn grief into creative endeavors that serve the greater good

Lindsay Leigh Kimmett was an athlete, a leader, and a medical student with enormous potential to do great things in the world. But her life ended when, as a seat-belted passenger, she was tragically killed in a single car rollover in 2008. Lindsay’s parents were consumed with unimaginable sorrow at her untimely passing, “but in an attempt to move forward positively,” they were determined to carry on her legacy. Lindsay’s family and friends created the Lindsay Leigh Kimmett Memorial Foundation in honor of her memory. To date, more than a million dollars has been invested into our community in Lindsay’s name through an array of initiatives, including Valedictorian Scholarships at all the three Cochrane high schools, the Dr. Lindsay Leigh Kimmett Prize in Emergency Medicine at the University of Calgary Medical School, and Lindsay’s Kids Minor Hockey & Ringette Sponsorships. Since her death, Lindsay’s family has also been very active in supporting Alberta’s distracted driving legislation and asks all to drive responsibly without distractions.

Great leaders have the willingness and capacity to turn sorrow and hardship into a gift that benefits others. Those who experience grief and have the courage to work with it and work through it, emerge a better person, enabling leadership qualities like perspective, patience, clarity, and empathy. Through learning to grieve in a healthy way, you open yourself to the capacity required to live in harmony and balance with one another and the earth.

Here are six ways to transform loss into a gift that benefits others:

  • Make room to grieve. Let life touch you. Stop and allow grief to surface when it is present. Go to funerals. Allow yourself to cry. If you can, be with your pet when they die. Spend time with a dying relative or friend. Community can be built in tragedy. Don’t be afraid to grieve and share your grief with people you care about and who care about you. Allowing yourself to grieve enables you to accept loss as a part of the good life. Grieving is a lonely journey and should not be traveled alone. You may never “get over it,” but you can work through it – by acknowledging honestly what is happening inside you, and allowing your heart to open, both with yourself and with others.
  • Accept what is. “Impermanence,” writes the poet Jennifer Welwood, “is life’s only promise to us, and she keeps it with ruthless impeccability.” Maturity means having the courage to face life as it is. Life, at some level, is a series of problems to solve. Do we want to spend our life moaning and whimpering about this, or spend our days living in the solution? At some point in our lives we have to be willing to grow up and realize that yes, life hurts. It’s hard. It’s all part of the human experience. The sooner we can accept that life is difficult, the sooner life becomes a little less difficult. Life happens. Pain is a part of our existence. At some point we have to build a bridge and get over it.
  • Let go of the anger. Anger is often born out of suffering, especially when someone or something has caused your loss. While it is part of the process of grief, unacknowledged anger or anger that festers inside, turns into the bitter poison of resentment. The antidote to anger? Name it. Claim it. Take responsibility for your reactions. Then have the courage to let it go. An indication of strong character is the courage to bear an injustice without a motive of revenge.
  • Be willing to not know. Sometimes the best you can do is accept what is. Although it is human nature to seek control through answers, sometimes the answers simply aren’t there. Often you have to delete your need to understand. A sign of maturity is the courage to accept the vast and inevitable unknown of the human experience, and the willingness to let go of the need for complete comprehension.
  • Let grief be your teacher. In the arduous journey of grief, if you pause every so often to open your heart and look within yourself, you will discover that the grief is guiding you to be a better person. While you may not be able to find your gifts in the immediacy of tragedy, keep an open mind to what life’s adversities can eventually teach you. Loss and subsequent grieving can foster, among other things, the ability to be compassionate, to connect more meaningfully with others, and to gain perspective and clarity about what matters most.
  • Turn sorrow into service. In an effort to move forward constructively, find ways for your loss to fill a need in the world. While establishing a foundation was the Kimmitt’s way to transform grief into positive action, there are many ways you can make the world better through your loss. Being open to what grieving can teach you will amplify your ability to impact others through a stronger leadership presence.

I have deep admiration for what the Kimmett family has done for our community and more in light of their tragic loss. Their willingness to turn sorrow into service is authentic leadership in action. May their story inspire you to embrace the inevitable and at times seemingly unjust and often unanswerable tragedies of life as you stumble forward – with courage, conviction, and compassion – on the journey to being a better person and a better leader.

FIVE WAYS TO STAY ALIVE AS A LEADER

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Leadership is not only hard work; leadership can be dangerous. Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. are prime examples. Political leaders, however, are not the only leaders that get assassinated. When you courageously take a stand for something or when you dedicate yourself to making a difference, you become a lightening rod that attracts both positive and negative power by your mere presence. While a uniform or a title does not make you a leader, those in uniforms today are targets, as are leaders who are making a difference. I’ve learned from my work with the RCMP and other police agencies that in policing, officers use the words service, dedication and commitment to describe what they do on a daily basis to keep us safe. These words also describe a leader. And when we make a decision to lead, there is a risk involved. That risk cost the lives of Cpl. Nathan Cirillo who was shot while guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier in Ottawa and RCMP Constable David Wynn, who was senselessly gunned down in a St. Albert, Alberta casino while serving and protecting the citizens of his community.

People who make the decision to lead frequently bear scars from the efforts to bring about change. Leaders are always perceived as failing somebody. Often they are misunderstood. At times they must be willing to bear violent opposition. Many times they are despised. Just ask the parents of a rebellious teenager, or a senior executive committed to changing a culture, or a front-line leader who is loyal to a principle that goes against the grain of how things have always been done in an organization.

While leading can be dangerous, every leader must have a strategy for staying alive, for sustaining their energy, and for continued self-renewal. Following the slaying of Const. David Wynn, RCMP members were reminded to take care of themselves, to be especially mindful of their actions, and extra supportive of their colleagues. What is the directive you have given yourself for staying alive? What are your disciplined actions for ensuring your strength as a leader, so that leading comes from overflow, not emptiness?

Here are five fundamental strategies and sources of strength for staying alive:

  1. Sanctuaries: Leadership is both active and reflective. A sanctuary is where you find refuge from the demands of the world. It can be a physical place, a special person, or a space you create in your mind. All of these sanctuaries enable you to renew and listen to your inner wisdom and strength. Regardless of how you define or experience sanctuary, we all need a place where we can find peace.
  2. Faith: Faith is an important source of strength to myself and to many leaders I respect. We all need to find strength beyond ourselves to help us lead, maintain perspective, find inner wellbeing beyond the approval and disapproval of the world, and help carry the load of life.
  3. Sabbaths: The tradition of sabbath began centuries ago to create an oasis of sacred time within a life of labor. In the midst of relentless demands, sabbath is a ‘boundaried time’ (whether 24 hours or 10 minutes) away from the tyranny of the urgency of others to spend in renewal, restoration, rest, and recovery. I find it valuable to take at least one full day every week to shut off my computer and email, spend time in nature and with people I care about, and simply to rest.
  4. Confidants: Confidants are those with whom you share your deepest self. They hold you while you are holding everyone else. They put you back together at the end of the day. Confidants can be friends, spouses, lovers, coaches, or close colleagues. Confidents give perspective, stand beside you, and help hold you accountable. A confidant is not afraid to tell you the truth, will not allow you to stay a victim, and will challenge you to be all you can be. Leadership is a lonely journey, but it can’t be done alone.
  5. Inspiration: The true measure of a person comes when tragedy strikes and extraordinary things need to be done. Mr. Rogers used to say that in times of tragedy, look for the helpers, those who move in to support and help clean up the mess. Watch who the helpers are and what the helpers do, and hope will be born.

We all need a source of inspiration in order to inspire those we serve. Hope inspires me. Service, dedication, caring and commitment inspire me. Good conversations inspire me. Stories inspire me. Artists, poets, and musicians all inspire me. What inspires you? Who or what uplifts you? Stay plugged in to the source that supports and sustains you – so you can inspire others.